Juliet (Keira Knightley) and Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) are wed in a lovely ceremony orchestrated and videotaped by Mark, Peter's best friend and best man. The video Mark recorded reveals that he is secretly in love with Juliet, even though she thought he didn't like her and never talked to her, he acts that way because of 'self-preservation'.
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true. Good luck, kiddo.
Sarah: Do you love him?
Mark: What?
Sarah: I just thought I'd ask the blunt question in case it was the right one and you needed someone to talk to about it and no one had ever asked you so you never been able to talk about it even though you might have wanted to.
Mark:
No. No. No is the answer. Absolutely not.
Sarah: So that's a no, then?
Mark: Yes. Erm...This DJ, what do you reckon? The worst in history?
Sarah: Probably. I think it all hangs on the next song.
DJ: Now here's one for the lovers. That's quite a few of you, I shouldn't be surprised and a half.
(Puppy Love) ? And they called it... ?
Mark: He's done it, it's official.
Sarah: Worst DJ in the world.
Mark: Just a minute. Actually, they're not funny. They're art.
OK, let's say, er, Thursday, my place.
Peter: Great. …but for now, I've got Juliet on the other line. Can I patch you through? she wants to ask you a favour.
Mark: OK, fine.
Peter: Thanks and, er, be nice.
Mark: I'm always nice.
Peter: You know what I mean, Marky, be friendly.
Mark: I'm always...
Juliet: Mark?
Mark: Hi. How was the honeymoon?
Juliet: oh It was great. Thanks for the gorgeous sendoff.
Mark: So, what can I do for you?
Juliet: It's only a tiny favour. I've just tried the wedding video and it's a complete disaster. It's come out all blue and wibbly.
Mark: I'm sorry.
Juliet: And I remember you filming a lot on the day - and I just wondered if I could look at your stuff.
Mark: Oh no – look –To be honest, I didn't really...
Juliet: Please. All I want is just one shot of me in a wedding dress that isn't bright turquoise.
Mark: Okay , I'll have a look - but to be honest I'm pretty sure I wiped it, so don't get any hopes up. Must go.
Juliet: Banoffee pie?
Mark: No, thanks.
Juliet: Thank God. You would've broken my heart if you'd said ‘yes’.
Mark: Oh right, well, lucky you.
Juliet: Can I come in?
Mark: Er, yeah, well, I'm a bit busy but...
Juliet: I was just passing and I thought we might check that video thing out. I thought I might be able to swap it for some pie, or maybe Munchies?
Mark: Actually, I was serious I don't know where it is. I'll have a poke around tonight, and then…
Juliet: Mark, can I say something?
Mark: Yeah.
Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't, don't argue. We've never got… friendly. But I just wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Juliet: Great.
Mark: Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't find any trace of it, so...
Juliet: There’s one here that says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?
Mark: Er, yeah, well... Wow. That-that could be it.
Juliet: Do you mind if l just...?
Mark: I've probably taped over it. Almost everything has episodes of West Wing on it now…
Juliet: Oh, bingo. That's lovely. Well done, you. Oh, that's gorgeous. Thank you so much, Mark, this is exactly what I was hoping for. I look quite pretty. You've stayed rather close, haven’t you…
They're all of me.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah... Yes.
Juliet: But... you never talk to me. You always talk to Peter. You don't like me.
Mark: Hope it's useful. Don't show it around too much. It needs a bit of editing. Look, I've got to get to a...Iunch. Early lunch. You can just show yourself out, can't you?
MARK: It's a...self-preservation thing, you see.
Mark's Cards:WITH ANY LUCK BY NEXT YEAR
I’LL BE GOING OUT WITH ONE OF THERE GIRLS
BUT FOR NOW, LET ME SAY
WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA
JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS
(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH)
TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT
AND MY WASTED HEART WILL LOVE YOU
UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS…
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Juliet: Merry Christmas.
Mark: Enough. Enough now.
